It’s not what we are looking for at present.
I’m afraid your book does not sound like a good fit for us.
We are going to pass at this time.
We’ve decided to go another way.
Ah, rejection. No matter how nicely the rejection is presented, it still hurts. Sometimes more than others.
Rejection is part of a writer’s life no matter if you are writing books, scripts, speeches or blogs. Every writer has been rejected at some point in letters, emails, texts, phone calls and in person. And it never gets easier.
Here are 16 tips to survive those crushing words:
Feel What You Feel
Be disappointed, sad, angry, basically all the feels. It’s okay that it hurts. It’s also okay to grab a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and indulge your pain. For one night or day and one only. Then it’s time to move on.
Don’t Beat Up on Yourself
While it’s good to acknowledge and accept your feelings, it is not okay to use your disappointment as an excuse to beat up on yourself. One rejection (or even 100) does not make you a bad person or less worthy. All it means is that you haven’t found that one person who will believe in you or that you haven’t written the right story yet. It is not the end. It is one rejection. One project. You have more in you to write and there are more people to review your work and ideas. Keep trying.
Get Tougher
Use the rejection to develop a thicker skin. Become more resilient with each no. You can survive this and get stronger in the process.
Be Brave
Fight the fear that rejection means you stink at writing and will never make it in this business. Fear of failure is real and you must fight through it if you want to succeed. Be brave and keep trying.
Learn from It
Listen to the criticism. Evaluate it. Analyze it. If one person says your ending is terrible, acknowledge that. If twenty say it, try to figure out why. Ask other writers/readers to help you identify the issue. Criticism can be useful if you consider what is being said and are honest in your response. Do you need to fix your ending? Do you use too many adverbs or run-on sentences? Do you write in fragments or let your story wander aimlessly between the beginning and the end? Learn from the negative feedback. If you are receiving form letter rejections, try to figure out what isn’t working with your query and sample.
Let Rejection Motivate You
If you’re the type of person who likes to show people are wrong, rejection can work for you. Lean into it. Let it spark your motivation. Use it to push forward.
Accept Rejection in General
Rejection is going to happen, whether from a publisher, editor, critic, reader or even yourself. There is nothing you can do to prevent it, so accept that rejection is part of a writing career. Accept that you can’t avoid it or escape it. The only thing you can do is to accept its existence and learn to handle it. The funny thing is that accepting it is a part of this path, helps deal with it. You won’t be surprised by it. You can plan for it and devise ways to move past it constructively before it happens. As GI Joe used to say, “knowing is half the battle.”
It’s Not Personal
It feels supremely personal, especially if you have poured your heart and soul into your work and it is torn apart and stomped on, but it isn’t. Publishing is a business and weeding through submissions and making tough choices is part of the business side of the house. There are ton of reasons why submissions are turned down and some of them have nothing to do with what you have submitted. It still hurts to be rejected, but it does help to know it is not a rejection of you as a person or even as a writer. It’s a rejection of what you submitted. That’s all.
Fuel Your Passion
Don’t let rejection get in the way of doing something you love. Keep writing. Remember why you started writing in the first place and why you love it. Keep those reasons close while you sift through the pain of being rejected. In the end, it is not about the result but the process of writing. If you love it, write.
Get Back to Work
Edit your submission, polish your query, or work on something new. Writing will help ease the frustration. But don’t start something new until you have purged the disappointment from your most recent rejection. It’s better if you can work on another project in process (one reason to always have more than one project at a time). Starting from a place of pain or insecurity will hamper your ideas and work. Wait until you have gotten your emotions in check before you start fresh.
Always Have More
Always have more than one project going at a time. Not only does this help ease the rejection of one project, it also gives you something positive to work on while processing the criticisms of the other project. Plus it gives you time to consider possible edits you should make to the rejected piece without rushing into anything. The worst idea is to edit based on rejection or critique. That’s a great way to destroy what works about your piece.
Not All Criticisms Are Right
Critiques of writing are subjective. There is no one right or wrong. Your piece may be wrong for one person (or ten), but you only need to find one person who loves it. If you hear the same criticism repeatedly, take it to heart. Examine your writing to see why people are reacting that way. Ask for help from readers and other writers. And remember what Neil Gaiman says about critiques (and I paraphrase): when people say there is something wrong with your story, they are nearly always right, but they are nearly always wrong when they tell you how to fix it. Pay attention to the first and ignore the second.
Keep Sending Out Submissions
One rejection (or ten) is no reason to stop. Change your query, edit your manuscript, polish your sales pitch and keep trying. Keep in mind that in most cases, rejections are a reaction to your query, not the work itself. Change your pitch. Polish your sample. If, however, you have run through your entire list of possible publishers or agents, then it may be time to move on to something else. Use your judgment, but don’t give up too soon. Again, you only need one person to say yes.
Commiserate
Find other writers and share the pain. We’ve all felt it. We’ve all been there. Sometimes finding a kindred soul helps. There are many forums and communities for writers. Find one and vent. Then seek advice. These places are a great place to find support and understanding.
Embrace Failure
Rejection can make you a better writer if you let it. It makes you more resilient and stronger. It can strengthen your commitment to the craft. Rejection is like Darwin in action. It weeds out the weak. Don’t be the one who gives up, unless you emotionally or physically cannot stand it any longer. If that’s not the case, lean into it. Use it. Some writers, like Sylvia Plath, sought rejections as a way to sharpen her skills. I remember one professor at my college who wallpapered his powder room with rejection letters to put his successes in focus. It helped his students too.
Give Up
Obviously I don’t suggest this option lightly, but if the rejections are too frequent or too painful, you can stop. Writing is a choice. If you don’t love it or if it isn’t working for you anymore, it’s okay to move on to something else. There is no shame in deciding to pursue another avenue.
Here’s what not to do:
DO NOT send a nasty reply to the agent/editor/publisher/critic/reader who hurt you. It may be tempting to refocus your pain toward the person who caused it, but it is a colossally bad idea. Your nastygram won’t change their minds, but they may blacklist you and possibly ruin your chances with other publishers in the field. Replying negatively will only result in negative consequences. However, if the person included constructive criticism about your work, sending a gracious thank you note could build a bridge for future work. If you aren’t up to doing that, do nothing. They aren’t expecting a reply. If you can’t be positive, don’t send anything.
In the next blog, we’ll look at reasons why your work may be getting those rejection notices. Until then, stay tough.