Writing is a combination of hubris, bravado and vulnerability. You have to possess all three to succeed. Selling your ideas isn’t easy. Selling yourself is even harder. Showing your work is anxiety-inducing. It takes a tough skin to be in this business where criticism and rejection are as common as commas. But you can’t harden yourself and your emotions if you want to write with honesty and connect with your audience. It’s a balance between self-esteem and vulnerability.
Writing is a tough gig, but a worthwhile one. If you want to write, then you will need to learn how to embrace the big three traits. Let’s break them down:
Hubris: This is the part of you that says “I can write that” even when you’ve never written anything like it before, even when you’re not sure you can. Hubris is believing in yourself and your skills to such a degree that you are willing to face the blank page and try. It’s having faith in yourself that you can learn and do your best. Hubris is the part of you that keeps trying no matter how hard it gets.
What it is not is lying. Never tell clients or editors you can write something you can’t. Don’t say you’ve done it before if you haven’t. Not only is it a terrible way to conduct business, it won’t work. Not in the long run. Be honest. You might be surprised what happens.
When I was writing for Woman’s Day Special Interest Publications my editor called and asked if I wanted to write a book for her. She had recently left the magazine and become a book editor. I told her I’d be happy to write a book for her, but that I’d never written one before. She promptly responded, “I’ve never edited one. Let’s do it together.” And we did. Then we did it again and again. It was great. But the best part was building a strong relationship with her through honest engagement. We learned how to write and edit books together.
If you think you can write something you have never attempted before, tell your client. Ask if they will give you a chance on something small. Try doing something similar on your own as a sample to show your prospective client. There are always ways to expand your business.
Bravado: This is the part of you that looks confident when you’re not sure of yourself. Confidence might be the better term here, but bravado better captures how confidence feels when you’re really acting as if you felt that way. Bravado is how you bolster your morale after rejections and criticism. It’s what keeps you sending out queries and pitches. It’s what helps you stay at the keyboard typing out your thoughts and stories. It’s that innate belief you can do this, that you can succeed. Bravado is a writer’s best defense against the muttering of the inner critic who loves to tear the creative down.
Vulnerability: This is the part of you that helps you connect with your audience, clients and editors. It’s what allows writers to admit we don’t know, ask questions and learn. It’s how we engage in a sincere way. Being vulnerable is about dropping our pride and ego at the threshold so we can share in an authentic way. It’s about being human and accessible. Not just writing the facts, but writing in a way that bridges the information so people feel something. It’s that part of us that worries we’re exposing too much, being too real. You can’t connect without being vulnerable. Writing is all about feeling and sharing ourselves with our readers. Not holding back out of fear or self-protection.
It’s like Brené Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, writes: “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” That’s what good writing is—a deep look at what it means to be human. I agree with Brown when she says “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” There is little creativity that isn’t born of digging deep into ourselves to find those bits that show who we are and what we believe. Good stories connect on an emotional level, which requires the writer to bare their souls and reveal the parts of themselves that people will recognize in themselves. It’s knowing how to share what it’s like to live on this Earth with others without making it about ourselves.
Of the three — Hubris, Bravado and Vulnerability — vulnerability is key. It’s also the toughest. It’s great to be confident, but without vulnerability you will lose your audience. It’s like Anne Lamott, author of Bird by Bird, says: you have to “Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability. Risk being unliked.” The risk is worth it if you want to engage with your readers.